I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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