I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
