Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
