he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I FOUND THE LEGS
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize