Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
