nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
