I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
We got so high we made milksteak
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
