How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
