I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
