I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
