question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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