Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize