New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
