dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
