so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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