that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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