Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
