Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
