if i died would you start the facebook group?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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