walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
