toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
