i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
