My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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