Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize