Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
did i walk over a car last night?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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