I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
When are your genitals available?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
