You're my little dorito
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
