heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He better not be in your backpack
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
