i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
