i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
