Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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