I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
