is your mom at the bar?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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