I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
she told me i tasted like america
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
