On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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