I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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