TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
