shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
