Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
