Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
