i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
