hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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