Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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