i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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