First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Come on in and take your pants off
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