Acid is not a monday night drug
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
