Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
