Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
