I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
