Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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