I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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