I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
