Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
