Who did Billy Mays play for?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize