Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
