I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
