He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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