soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
We just shotgunned beers for America
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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