remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
We had to coat check the pizza.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
