my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
