that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just invented taco cereal.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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