dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
