How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
