i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
