I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
