I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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